When my Dad died just over a year ago I went through all the same emotions you are now experiencing. Very difficult to deal with, I know. The numbness is actually a blessing. It allows you to get through all the immediate duties like wakes, funerals, shivas without constantly breaking down.
After the initial shock period I found I was always tearing up. Every thought was about my Dad. Usually I thought about the last few days, and the sadness that those days brought. Eventually I started remembering other days, days in my past that were happy times spent with my dad, times that brought me joy and left me with joyful memories.

Now, just over a year later, whenever I think about my dad, (and that is still everyday), a smile comes to my face. All that remain are the good memories and the pride of being his son.

Peace and love during this time of sorrow, and a wish that eventually you will find the joy that was your mother's life.

I'm sorry for your loss too. If you can, try to find some comfort that she wasn't alone when she passed, that she was with someone she loved, and who loved her too.

Besides being sorry for your loss, I must add grieving and getting that grief out and dealt with is most important to maintaining any sembelence of good mental health.

Thank you all for your words of kindness. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me.

I am so sorry for your loss.  We have had many deaths in our family in the past 6 weeks, and the grief has been tremendous.  Let yourself grieve.  Let yourself *feel*.  Losing a parent isn't something you will get over quickly.  But, the more you think about her life and the joy that she had, the easier it will be to work through the grief.  I think that counseling is a great idea.  Sometimes it's easier to tell a total stranger about your pain then it is to tell somebody that you know.

I hope you find peace with what has happened, and I hope that you allow yourself to grieve and remember your Mom the way she would want you to.

Let yourself grieve. Let yourself *feel*.

That's some of the best advice you could ever be given. Allow yourself to cry, give yourself permission to be sad.